Guns and Vodka

After a long flight from SA sitting with a very annoying French lady who kept waking me up and asking me to help her put the in-flight entertainment on for her. I also wasn’t feeling very well and had the shits when I landed in France (like you needed to know that).
At Heathrow I met up with dad as he was coming back from Nigeria at the same time as me. We caught the coach to Stanstard and met up with Mum, Emma and Stu. After another goodbye and many trips to the toilet we were on our way to Riga…… Well not quite.
The 1st problem I had was my bag was overweight by 7kgs so I had to pay an extra £27. YOU CAN ONLY HAVE A MAXIM OF 15kg which sucks!
Then we went to the wrong gate number which at any other airport wouldn’t be a problem but at Stansted it is. As you get a one way train to the gate you can’t get back to the main terminal unless you get escorted across the runway by an airport official which is exactly what happened to us. Picture a panicky Sam (needing another shit) and Stu sprinting to the right gate trying to fight our way through the chavs and stag parties.

So what is Riga like? well there is two main parts to the city. The old town and the suburbs. The old town is where all the pubs, bars and restaurants are so that’s where we stayed. I must stay its not a great city and there isn’t much to do. Even the bars aren’t that great and full of English stag do’s. More on the nightlife later.
One thing so amazing about Riga is that it seems to be the spiritual home of………. me. check these out.
ITS LIKE BEING IN MECCA.

COMEDY COCK IN RIGA

So Friday a group of us from the hostel went to shoot guns. AK47s and Glock 9mm’s. The manager from the hostel who looks likes Zane Lowe came along with his very funny Kiwi mate Jimbob and showed us how to use the guns. The shooting range was in an old Soviet nuclear bunker so the noise from the guns was loud, especially from the AK47. I’ve never fired a gun before (Even living in London) so I didn’t know how much of a kick you get from them, for the first couple of shots I had my eyes closed and all I can remember was my hands shaking every time I was just about to squeeze the trigger. No way could Arnold Schwarzenegger hold two AK47s like he does in Commando! It was a fun afternoon and it had to be done as we are in the Ex Soviet Union where these guns were invented. Still, I don’t like guns and it scares me to think around the world there are kids in guerrilla armys using these weapons.

I think the problem with Riga is there are far to many English stag do’s taking over the city, its not like its a really cheap city anyway so im not sure why so many of them come over. This has bought seedy bars and sex club in to the old town and is all controlled by the Mafia, Who we bumped in to in McDonald’s. The McMafia were hungry and one of the perks of organized crime is able to jump the queue at McDonald’s.

Stu has gone back to the UK now and I’m now sitting in the common room of the hostel shitting my pants about the next 24hours. I’m not sure I like traveling by myself and I miss Ellie so bad. Wish me luck. See you in Russia.

RIGA TOP TIPS
Vodka from shops can be as low as £2 a 1lit bottle.
Do shoot AK47s, They are fun.
Stay at Argonaut Hostel and hang out with Zane Lowe.
Drink Kiss Cider, its so good especially apple and vanilla.

I’m on the train to Russia as I write this part of the blog. Whats a Russian Train like? Well its very pleasant. I am in a carriage with a guy from Riga who speaks very little English but we are getting along ok. The onboard radio is blaring out the latest in Russian pop and dance, like the crap you used to get on Euro Trash. They have played some western music as well, Hannah and Charlie would love it, they played Take That. The bed is really comfy I’m off to bed, good night.

Oh my god, boarder control was the most random thing so far on this trip. I was fast asleep and suddenly the door flings open with two rather large women dressed in full army gear standing at the end of my bed. They shouted something in Russian and one held out her hand. I guess they want my passport so I quickly handed it over, ‘YOU BRITISH’ one says in her deep thick Russian accent. I went in to little boy mode and Squealed ‘Yes’.Then it was time for the Riga guy to hand over his passport, they looked at it and looked at it again and started shouting and pointing at him. Then from nowhere a solider appears with his hand on his gun holster beckoning the Riga guy to get up. After more words the man is dragged out of bed and made to change before been escorted out. I have no idea what that was all about but the Riga guy looked at me and said something about Visas. Could it get anymore random…… err yes. After he left the carriage i thought that was the end of boarder control so I shut the door. Big mistake, as seconds later the solider starts shouting and banging on my door, as this was the 1st time i shut the door on the train i somehow managed to lock it. The banging gets louder and louder and I manage to open it at last. The solider is waving his hand around in front of my face and the beckons me to get out of bed. Im now thinking ‘shit they aren’t going to let me in to Russia now’, then im thinking ‘shit, im only wear boxer short’ at this point im hoping Mr Willy hasn’t popped out and im not flashing the solider, I don’t want to be in anymore trouble. He then gets his torch out and starts looking under my bed. Again more shouting and one of the women appears asking me to open my bag. I quickly open it and she has a quick rummage around and says quite calmly ‘Good night’ and walks out of my carriage as im still standing there, alone in my boxers. Minutes later the train starts to roll so I quietly close the door, slip back in to bed and dream happy times back in South Africa with Ellie. Oh I wish I was back there.

2 Responses to “Guns and Vodka”

1. Ellie says:

   June 9, 2007 at 4:23 pm

   HAHAHAHA!!! OH my GOSH!!! LOL!! Bet you couldn”t stop giggling after the whole show? That’s what you do, giggle when you get nervous, aaw, mwah! Russia sure sounds exciting!!

   Miss you just as much!! XXX
2. joan nathan says:

   June 14, 2007 at 6:34 pm

   loving the comedy Latvian Cock.