The Hitch Hikers Gudie to Alaska (and live to tell the tale)

Hitch hiking, good or bad idea? Well, lets face it, we have all driven passed hitches with the feeling What if I Stopped. But then warning lights start to flash in your head Don’t stop, You’re going to get attacked, raped or you can kiss your car goodbye. But in reality, if your sensible and use your head it can be a rewarding experience. Just like for those lucky people who picked us up on that sunny Sunday on the side of the road. hehe.

If we are going to get an insight in to what it’s like to be an Alaskan drifter then this needs to be done. Camera’s slung around our necks trying to look as much like a tourist as possible, we stand on the edge of George Parks Highway holding up a sign with ‘ANC’ scribbled on it with beaming smiles upon our faces.
In the distance Chad, Henri and Erik were rolling around the floor in fits of laughter watching us like a couple of performing monkeys and timing us how long it would take until we would be murdered picked up. 1 minute 47 seconds to be exact as a car pulls over. I was taken back, I couldn’t quite believe they were pulling over for us. I make my way up to the passenger window. The window lowers and with a deep breath I peer in. My heart starts racing. Please don’t let it be a mass murderer or a guest from the Jerry Springer Show. Thank goodness, it was a lovely middle age women who was on her way back from visiting her daughter at Fairbanks Uni. She was going as far as Wasilla which is about 50 miles north of Anchorage so we jumped at the chance to get closer to our destination.
We say our goodbye to Chad, Henri & Erik and jump in to our ride. I have a feeling that won’t be the last time I hang out with those guys. See you in London guys.

On the way down to Wasilla we had plenty to chat about. I can’t remember her name but she was originally from New York state and moved to Alaska with her husband seven years ago. I’m not entirely sure of her job, she works at Elmendorf Air Force Base keeping an eye on the pesky Ruskies across the Bering Strait. Once she found out that we both work in TV the conversation quickly turns to the British sitcoms.
“Do you know what shows I love to watch?.
Here we go again “Don’t tell us. Smiling & knowing exactly what she was going to say Keeping up Appearances and Are you being Served?.
Oh my gosh, yes. but how did you know? she beamed at us.
We explain that every American we have met on this trip so far love those them both.
Come on America, I’m free and Bouquet Residence, The Lady Of The House Speaking! surely can’t still do it for you? Can it?.
The conversation turns to gun control, which she politely points out that she is carrying a shotgun in the boot. Though, she did tell us she didn’t know how to load it or really understand why her son had told her to bring it, and here she is picking up two strangers.

Wasilla, Population 10,256. A charming little commuter town laying at the base of the happily sounding Lazy Mountain. You may not be aware of this town but I assure you, you would have seen it all over the media in 2008. This sleepy Alaska town became a media hot spot thanks to one very famous hockey mom, yes that’s right. We had landed in the home of our favourite famous Alaskan (I can’t think of anyone else famous from here.) Sarah Palin. I was on a mission to meet her on this holiday and surely today could be my chance to wine and dine her? Well, no, it wasn’t. Though, we did get to see the street her house is on and grab a latte at her favourite coffee stand (so we were told). Next time Sarah, we shall meet, it was meant to be.
It was lunch time when we landed in Wasilla, lunch at Subways? why not, cramming a sweaty foot long in to my mouth I start planning our next move to get us to Anchorage. Sitting on the table next to ours is Daniel, a English Professor from the University of Alaska in Anchorage. I strike up a conversation asking him where the best place to hitch from in town. Well, if you wait an hour I’ll give you a lift to Anchorage, I have to pick my son up from there. Result, I can’t quite believe how easy hitching is in Alaska.

A well deserved sleep, a shower and a good old episode of The Steve Wilkos Show to start the day before we headed over to the airport to pick up our ride for the next week. The Dodge Calibre. The next week we would be heading south to exploring the Kenai Peninsula. Our first stop, 192 miles away. The town of Seward.

The drive was something out of an episode of Top Gear, and is rated one of the drives of the world. Breathtaking glaciers spawning from mountains tops that creep there way down to the turquoise lakes that linger beneath them. The road shadowed by the endless ghost forest that line the Turnagain Arm, a spectacular dead wood forest formed by the 1964 Good Friday Alaska earthquake. When the land dropped suddenly, the roots of these trees now reached, and began soaking up salt-water from the ocean. This salt water eventually killed the tree, but preserved the wood.
The quirky little villages with wonderful names as Hope and Moose Pass were always a welcome toilet break and snack stop as was the wildlife watching, whether it was watching pods of Beluga Whales or eagles soaring in the sky it was enough for any inspiring Bill Oddie to be glued to the window.

I’m glad we ended up in Seward, It’s got everything you could wish for. Chilled in the day with plenty of opportunities to hike, whale watching and of course fish. At night the wolfs come out to play at the lively watering holes that line the main strip of the town.
The thing that strikes me about Alaska and a welcome change is the noticeable lack of corporate America that has invaded every town in the lower 48. Sure you can get your hit of McDonald’s or Starbucks, but it’s not like in your face or at every turn. Seward was amazing for this, two of the best independent coffee shops I have ever been to were right here and worth a mention. Resurrect Art Coffee House & The Sea Bean. Well worth a visit after a long day of hiking.

We checked ourselves in to a hostel for a couple of days and then camped out the rest of the week. The first clear day we decided to hiked up mount marathon, at 921 meters it has sweeping panoramic views of the bay below, it’s also the home to the Mount Marathon race which happens every year, This is where super humans or idiots run up and down the mountain in under an hour. We wouldn’t be doing it anywhere close to that time or getting to the top thanks to GPS Guy taking us the wrong way up the mountain, ending up somewhere near Never Never Land. I should always remember to follow my instincts, but hats off too him (Some, would call it luck) as the walk was probably better as we found a ridge that led up to a small glacier. You could see how much the glacier had retreated over the years, no doubt down to global warming.

Buzzing from the hike, the following day we head to the Exit Glacier, but not before a hearty breakfast in an converted railway carriage. Excellent food and fuel for today’s trip.

Located only 12 miles from Seward in the Kenai Fjord National Park. Exit is a ‘real’ glacier, the type you see on glossy tourist brochures. The plan was to spend the whole day hiking up the side of the glacier to view the harden ice field.
From the road ‘Exit’ had the look of a puppy dog , it looked tiny and in my head I thought we would be up and back down in a couple of hours. How wrong was I? It was a 12 mile round trip taking up most of the day. The trail was marked out and easy to follow but with each step up I was soon slowing down. We soon leave the pine forest beneath us and greeted with a lunar like surface. Scrambling over rocks and walking precociously over frozen rivers we near the top. The glacier starts to lose it’s magical turquoise colour to be replaced with a sea of white. We made it, 1200 meters up, in front of us we gaze out over a sea of ice of one of the largest ice fields in America. Quite a breathtaking sight i’m sure you will agree.

Back in our Dodge and it was time to drive 100 or so miles to the other side of the peninsula. Surely the town of Homer has the best name in the world? We were hoping for random things from this place and we certainly weren’t disappointed. Driving in to town the sign reads ˜Welcome to Homer, the halibut capital of the world, Homer is split in to two parts, the main town and the ‘spit’, a causeway that juts out in to the bay. Love it or hate it the spit is here to stay, full of tacky tourist shops, restaurants and a working fishing harbour it’s the main gateway to explore the surrounding area. It’s also home to a famous resident. The Time Bandit the king crab ship from the TV Show The Deadliest Catch.

Homer is random, very random. The town itself is not as attractive as Seward but it certainly has its charms if you dig deep enough. The old town overlooks the salt water lagoon that’s filled up with noisy sea planes buzzing around like flies, and yet more snowcapped mountains line up across the bay each with their own glacier that drifts lovingly in the the sea below. Jet black beaches with old relics washed up from lands far away reach out gently touching the milky blue sea. It’s certainly a unique paradise.

It was Saturday September the 11th, I remember that, because I was thinking if we were going out it maybe a quiet night or a sombre mood, not the case in Homer. The first stop was across the road from our hotel, ‘Duggan’s Bar’. Yep, you can’t go anywhere in the world without landing yourself in an Irish bar/pub. It was certainly an eye opener when we walked in, the whole bar seemed to turn around and stare at us as we made our way up to the bar. It was apparent this was no Friday night in London and yet again had this feeling that the night was about to get random. After the American ritual of having to show our drivers licences to order a drink, a middle aged man in a Homer t-shirt and a pair of jogging pants sitting next to Guy piped up and asked if he could have a look at his drivers licence. Guy may as well of handed him the holy grail as he was transfixed on it for a few minutes.
“England, huh?” a drunken voice from the corner of the bar.
“Sure are, mate”.
Across the bar a scruff fella in his late 20/30s wearing a t-shirt announcing to the world that ’9/11 was an inside job’ starts to speak up.
“I’d like to visit England someday, but not London. That place is awful. You have more CCTV cameras there than anywhere else in the world, Big Brother is keeping an eye on you”. Which to be honest he was making perfect sense until he drop in “You know, your government had something to do with the bombing of the underground”. as he simulates an explosion with his hands.
“They had planned the attacks along with the Bush administration”. We didn’t think it was worth arguing with him, i think he had made up his mind years ago that the world was against him so we kept our mouths shut.
He keeps going “Nah man, the only part of England I want to see is Dublin and that city where the bands – Oasis & The Beatles are from”.
Do we speak up? or do we carry on listening to him?
He carries on “That’s the only good thing about England, the music. Man, I should REALLY go and see where my Irish roots are from”.
At this point it was time to leave and head to the next bar.

The night soon turned in to clear a Salvador Dali painting, nothing seem to make much sense but at the same time everything seemed to flow perfectly. Foggy memories of fascinating drinks being poured down my neck, Irish Car Bombs? Why the hell not.
Colmy – The first pro arm wrestler I’ve ever met, taught us the real man’s way to arm wrestle. A top bloke and a right top laugh, he even killed Guy’s arm for the next few days much to my amusement.

Guy the day after.

The last full day in Homer. And what better way to sort out the head with a trip around the bay. We didn’t have enough money to go on a full day whale trip so instead we paid $50 each to be taken over the bay with a local water taxi, who was picking up some workmen from the other side of the bay. It must have been the best $50 I’ve ever spent. In the 2 hours we watched the extremely cute sea otters wrapping themselves up in the sea kelp, the biggest and ugliest jelly fish i have ever seen and the most incredible spot on the whole trip, Orca Whales. Our captain points and cuts the engines. 100 meters off the bow we spot two huge black dorsal fin. We sit motionless, bobbing up and down, when all of a sudden a jet of water sprays out of the water right next to the boat. One of the whales had swam right up and playfully started to check out the boat. After a few passes around it soon dive back down in to the abyss. Unforgettable.

The trip was coming to an end, our last days where spent in Anchorage doing manly things like eating steak, drinking beer and ending up at the errrr one of the only Gay bars in Alaska. The only way to end a random holiday in a very random state.
One last thing we had to do was shave our beards off in a comedy fashion. Mine looked pretty manly and Guy’s, well he did have a look of, how can I put this? He looked like a terminally ill patient with whiskers sporadically growing out all over his face. He did try, bless him.
View Alaska 2009 in a larger map

We leave Alaska bound for 3 days of partying (Like we need to do any more) in Minneapolis with Pam one of the ‘Tweeps’ I’m friends with on Twitter. I have met many striking people in the world but I have never seen eyes quite like Pam’s. Dazzling Emerald green, you could get lost in them for days. I wish I had taken a photo, I just think it would have been a bit weird, “Hi Pam, i’d love to errrrrr….. document your eyes???’. Sounds a bit creepy.

Minneapolis is a great city, it’s a really bloody great city and thanks to Pam we had a blinding time. I must say at first I wasn’t warming to it, just because we couldn’t find anything, no shops, no restaurants, no coffee shops. We didn’t realise that all the shops are inside the office skyscrapers which are connected by sky-walks. At first, it felt a bit awkward walking in to banks and offices just to get a bite to eat. Inside we found ourselves in a urban jungle, like mini malls joined together by walkways which reminded me of something out of Blade Runner or Brazil. We also went to the the largest shopping mall in America – Mall of America to get our hit of capitalist America.

The night time we headed out to the best bar in America rated by Esquire magazine – Nye’s Polonaise Room, a Polish bar with some of the most bizarre music I’ve heard in a long time. a 3 piece polka band playing classic American hits. NEW DRINK ALERT -Â Root Beer Schnapps. HELLO, oh it was so good!!
It was rock star time. On the way to our next bar a couple of girls heard our British accents. “Oh my god, say something”
“Hi there” we said.
“Oh my god, you sound like Harry Potter”.
Harry Potter?? Well, I guess it’s better than ‘Russell Brand’ which some excited youth said I sounded like, when I was taking a piss next to him. American’s, you’ve got to love them for their quirkiness. *High 5*

And that’s it, My Alaska trip comes to a close. Sorry this has been an epic blog. I hope you’ll all still with me.

Big shout out to everyone I met over there. You definitely made our trip a memorable one.
Chad.
Henri.
Erik.
Pam.
Colmy.
The North Dakota lads.
Sarah.
All the the MILFS, GILFS & DILFS.
Billy Bob, No Job, One song on the iPod (you had to be there, trust me….otherwise this blog will be another 3000 words).

5 Responses to “The Hitch Hikers Gudie to Alaska (and live to tell the tale)”

1. The Hitch Hikers Gudie to Alaska (and live to tell the tale) - Classic British Sitcom Videos says:

   November 10, 2009 at 6:05 pm

   [...] The Hitch Hikers Gudie to Alaska (and live to tell the tale) Tags: both-work, conversation, knowing-exactly, quickly-turns, she-found, the-conversation, [...]
2. Coley says:

   November 17, 2009 at 4:38 pm

   Great write-up, sir. I’ll be back to Alaska most every Summer ’till I perish. Hope to cross paths with you fellas again.
3. Julie’s Everything Site » The Hitch Hikers Gudie To Alaska (and Live To Tell the Tale) | the … says:

   November 18, 2009 at 4:20 am

   [...] The road shadowed by the endless ghost forest that line the Turnagain Arm, a spectacular dead wood forest formed by the 1964 Good Friday Alaska earthquake. When the land dropped suddenly, the roots of these trees now reached, … The quirky little villages with wonderful names as Hope and Moose Pass were always a welcome toilet break and snack stop as was the wildlife watching, whether it was watching pods of Beluga Whales or eagles soaring in the sky it was enough for …Continue [...]
4. iheartfilm says:

   November 20, 2009 at 4:14 am

   I’ve never had the pleasure of going to Alaska. I’m quite envious.
5. Dave says:

   September 22, 2010 at 10:38 am

   One of the best places to visit Alaska ,myself and a group of mates go out evey few years next one June 11 for a Hailbut Fishing Trip,spent many a messy night in Duggans and the Salty Dawg ,still that cool clean air helps the hangover no end, great report brings back loads of memmorys,sounds like you had great time